Romance scams: how they work and the warning signs
Romance scams are among the cruellest, because they steal your trust as well as your money. They are also more common than people think, and they catch intelligent, careful adults of every age. Here is how they work and what to watch for.
How a romance scam unfolds
It usually starts on a dating app or social media. The person is warm, attentive and quick to build a connection. They often claim to work somewhere that conveniently keeps them away and hard to meet: an oil rig, the military overseas, a job abroad. Over weeks or months they become a fixture in your life.
Then comes a crisis. A medical emergency, a stranded trip, a customs fee, a business deal that just needs a short-term loan. The ask for money always has urgency and a good story. And once you pay once, there is always another emergency.
The warning signs
- They never video call and always have a reason why, or the calls are oddly brief and evasive.
- The relationship moves very fast emotionally.
- They won’t meet in person, with a steady stream of excuses.
- Their photos look like a model’s, or a quick image search shows them on other profiles.
- The conversation eventually, always, turns to money, often paid by bank transfer, cryptocurrency or gift cards.
How to check
Be willing to test it. Suggest a video call and notice the reaction. Do a reverse image search on their photos. Talk to a friend about it; scammers rely on keeping you isolated and embarrassed, so a second opinion is powerful.
If you are being asked for money by someone you have never met in person, stop. No genuine partner needs you to send cryptocurrency or gift cards. That request, on its own, is the scam.
If it is happening to you or someone you know
Be kind, not judgemental, especially if it is a friend or relative. Shame keeps people trapped. Stop any further payments, keep the messages as evidence, and report it: see how to report a scam. The emotional hit is real, so how to cope after being scammed may help too, and Victim Support (0808 16 89 111) offers free, confidential help.
More in our scams and fraud section.